When I stop and think about the changes in my life over the past year, I am amazed, confused and a touch ashamed. I had gone seven years as a single mom and working hard to make ends meet. I had juggled two jobs, allowed daycare to raise my son, and was stressed beyond belief. I remember imagining how amazing it would be to be able to actually spend time with my children throughout the day. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could stay home with him and enjoy motherhood?
I met the love of my life and was blessed with the opportunity to be home with my son while my hubby works. I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been able to homeschool him, explore new hobbies and attempt to improve my cooking skills, to name a few. But now that the fairy dust has worn off I realize that it's just not as fabulous as I had imagined. I get bored...and lonely. I get sick of talking about cartoons and potty humor and I miss having my seperate social life away from home. Going to work was a nice break from mommyhood and I felt a sense of accomplishment from my job. Am I wishy washy or what? I feel all dirty for having these thoughts. The grass is always greener right?
My hope is that the new baby coming will give me lots more to do and keep me more occupied. My son is so smart and independent and I feel like he doesn't need me nearly as much as he used to. Maybe our new girl will refresh my sense of purpose. Once we get settled for a while (spending a year in the same place would be nice), then maybe I could do daycare in my home. I'd have my hands full and still be able to spend time with my kids. I will cross my fingers and hope it will work out.
Is it bad that I am blogging about all of this? Are all of you Moms out there going "shhh, you're not supposed to admit that!"? I should be going on and on about how I love being a homemaker and mother and that's all I'll ever need to be happy. My favorite thing in this whole world is doing laundry and making dinner. Oh the fulfillment, right?
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1 comments:
More than anything I hate laundry and dishes! Obviously everyone feels differently about this and you should absolutely NOT feel guilty for feeling like this. Some women have to work away from home to stay sane. Some women live in domestic bliss all the time. And then there is the people in the middle. Which is me. I wanted nothing more than to stay home with my kids and be a mom full time and I am so thankful I am able to do that, but it absolutely gets hard and lonely at times. I just have to weigh out the pros and cons of both. I absolutley choose to raise my kids full time, but that doesnt mean its all wonderful all the time. I dont judge people who feel differently. We are who we are and everyone has different needs. so dont feel at all guilty for feeling like this. I don't know one stay at home mom that doesnt feel like this at one time or another. Your human and once baby girl comes you will be so busy with her, you will be thankful you get so stay home with her and fully enjoy her cuteness. =) I know it's hard, but hang in there Riccilou... Call me if you ever want to chat. =)
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