Housewife Life

When I stop and think about the changes in my life over the past year, I am amazed, confused and a touch ashamed. I had gone seven years as a single mom and working hard to make ends meet. I had juggled two jobs, allowed daycare to raise my son, and was stressed beyond belief. I remember imagining how amazing it would be to be able to actually spend time with my children throughout the day. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could stay home with him and enjoy motherhood?

I met the love of my life and was blessed with the opportunity to be home with my son while my hubby works. I didn't know what to do with myself. I've been able to homeschool him, explore new hobbies and attempt to improve my cooking skills, to name a few. But now that the fairy dust has worn off I realize that it's just not as fabulous as I had imagined. I get bored...and lonely. I get sick of talking about cartoons and potty humor and I miss having my seperate social life away from home. Going to work was a nice break from mommyhood and I felt a sense of accomplishment from my job. Am I wishy washy or what? I feel all dirty for having these thoughts. The grass is always greener right?

My hope is that the new baby coming will give me lots more to do and keep me more occupied. My son is so smart and independent and I feel like he doesn't need me nearly as much as he used to. Maybe our new girl will refresh my sense of purpose. Once we get settled for a while (spending a year in the same place would be nice), then maybe I could do daycare in my home. I'd have my hands full and still be able to spend time with my kids. I will cross my fingers and hope it will work out.

Is it bad that I am blogging about all of this? Are all of you Moms out there going "shhh, you're not supposed to admit that!"? I should be going on and on about how I love being a homemaker and mother and that's all I'll ever need to be happy. My favorite thing in this whole world is doing laundry and making dinner. Oh the fulfillment, right?