Whine Much?

I haven't blogged in a bit because I have had the same negative thoughts replaying in my head minute after minute. I can't seem to focus on much else and had nothing else to say. I am thinking that instead of avoiding it, I am going to just put it out there. Besides, it's my blog and I can do what I wawnt.
The most pressing subject right now is that we are expecting our newest member of the family July 6th. I have been so overjoyed with this news but had a sudden turn in my feelings when I found out that hubby is getting deployed. I will be raising this baby as a single mother the first year of his/her life. My hubby will be a stranger when he comes home. He will miss out on so much. The timing could not have been worse. This isn't how I imagined this time would be.
I am also having so many thoughts of how much I hate the military. You'd like to say that it's an honor, a great sacrifice or whatever but in reality, this life is just plain sad. The military doesn't pay enough for the damage they cause families. But as I'm writing this, I know damn right that I have no place saying it because it's what I signed up for when I fell in love. And I know that the right thing to do is put on a happy face and say this is just the life of an army wife. I'm pissed off and broken-hearted.
Having said my piece of course I have to remind myself of why I did this. I am so very much in love with my husband. I know that I want to spend my life with him, whatever life it may be. I love the stability and love that he gives my son. I am so blessed to be able to have more children and with a man who will be an amazing father. All of these negatives have nothing to do with him. I knew the hardships and made my choice.
Maybe this spewing of venomous talk will help me move past it. Thanks for reading and supporting me. When all is said and done, I am truly blessed.